the misunderstanding, i think...

hmm.. maybe i should try to explain the misunderstanding/quarrel that i had a few days ago.. in actual fact, i think i've alreadi figured out where went wrong and what each of us was angry at. but all along, i was just being stubborn and refuse to give way.

the arguement began with me accusing that that friend of mine said he was busy for that day. my accusation was based on my vague and weak memory, or perhaps my mind just made up that false memory. but yet for some reason, i strongly insisted on it. and i even fabricated a phoney msn history to "support" my say. crap. screw me for trying to be funny. that ignited his wick.

then he started to throw sarcastic remarks and, erm.. some personal insults. well, i take them personally though. maybe he doesn't think so. hmmm.. yup. that snapped it. i was alreadi in a bad mood / moody state before this. for those who doesnt know me that well, eh.. i can joke and talk like normal even when my mood is bad. of course, there will be tell-tale signs, but normal people wont be able to detect them. ya, so i was very fed up and angry. can't be bothered with talking to him anymore, i left the mass chat. here here, i've shortened his wick by half this time.

after some time, i was pulled back into the chat. actually, this was a chance for me to settle everything and resolve them. but my anger had got the better of me. so once again, i left the mass chat. yup. he exploded as well then.

do u see the picture here? the initial problem was so trivial, but snowballed into something big (and childish, imo). some more, both of us were angry at different stuff. he was angry that his integrity was been challenged, and i was angry that i was insulted as being a shallow person. although there were many chances for me, i took none of them to settle this problem maturely. reason? pride. pui! lame shit, isnt it?

so what has this many years of friendship amounted to? what meaning does it hold? all of them couldn't even beat a useless pride of mine? man, i was so childish. then until i saw his apology. that's it. i've realised i'm so useless. cowardice i would call myself. what pride, my ass. i can't even try to make up what i have done wrong. i can't believe i've let this problem dragged on and run from it for so long. hmm.. i've seen more fault of mine than his as i go on pondering abt this incident.

ya, so i would like to apologise to him here. I'm sorry. even with this scar inflicted in our friendship, i hope that won't hinder us from getting together better. i may sound fake, insincere, or overly casual for this incident. i ain't good with words, but i do really mean all the words here.

Sorry. orz

p/s erm.. okay.. maybe i'm still proud, stubborn or for watever reason.. but i would prefer to keep the details of this matter down to the minimal... so up to now, u reader dont even see that friend's name.. and ya, he apologised to me on the tagbox. but i deleted it not bcos i dun wan pple to know that he apologised to mi alreadi. or rather, like i've said, i would like to keep his name anonymous too.