late night thots (20 aug 07)

i've actually been tossing ard on my bed for close to 2 hrs.. couldn't get into sleep.. my brain is still too active.. and i took a super long nap earlier on yesterday.. plus.. i'm a nocturnal being.. awwww... when will i be able to revert back to a normal human being lifestyle...

recently i've juz started on my FYP.. was a little disappointed that it wasn't really wat i wanted.. it doesn't really have anything to do with smart card.. the onli link with smart card is that it is meant for smart card so the design has to be compact and low power consumption.. sucks.. well.. on the bright side, it involves VHDL (Very Highly Dulan Language).. that part is pretty fun.. i guess.. and i hope.. otherwise i really wont be able to find any motivation for my FYP..

FYP isn't the main issue that's actually bugging my mind now.. it's the lonely feeling again.. i was talking to zm yesterday on this.. i have this hollow feeling.. it's a part of me of calling out to someone dear to me, but yet it was an empty image.. i'm alreadi used to commit my life to someonem but now that part of my life is lost.. it's not that i'm missing her or something.. or rather, it is just that that part of me has no one to turn to.. it results in the lonely and hollow feeling that i experienced from time to time now..

i'm not too sure if i'm ready to move on to my next r/s or not.. so that means i have to carry on enduring this torment.. (even if i'm ready, i cannot find oso LL).. i told zm i should just get used to single life.. but he told mi not to.. once u get used to single life, u might become lazy and relunctant to find urself ur other half...

even if i'm ready.. do i dare to find? i'm scare of failure.. (alright, who doesn't right) i wouldnt do stuff i'm not confident of.. and of cos, i know me.. beside looks, i dun think my character would actually appeal to ladies if that person really knows me well.. i may be nice, caring, er.. watever.. if anyone were to judge mi now while i'm still studying.. i'm seen as a guy with no motivation.. basically a slacker and a 败家子.. wow.. that title has been with mi for a long time alreadi anyway.. hahaha.. during the compclub gathering.. they said this.. girls in 10s-20s will go for security.. 20s-30s is in for looks and money.. 30s onwards will be back to security.. not veri encouraging eh?

now.. let's say even if i'm ready and i'm brave enough to find myself a girl.. do i dare to commit? once bitten, twice shy.. nothing is definite.. my past experience has told mi 8yrs doesnt necessarily comfirm anything, except creations of fond memories.. ah! i've juz exhibited the timid side of mi.. =X

although all of the above seem to direct me to juz get used to single life and move on with life, i still yearn for someone who is able to be with me and to fill up that hollow part of my life.. i believe i have no intention of closing up that hole and fully adapt into single life.. if it's meant to be, it will come eventually.. all i can say to myself is to let nature take its course.. so bo pian lor.. endure the loneliness when it's late at night lor.. who ask mi to be a nocturnal creature..

i'm thankful for all my friends who have been keeping me occupied. that does help me to temporarily fill up the hollow feeling. i no longer feel sad, just lonely. =/ endure my complaints in this blog from time to time bah. i think i might have more late night thots coming up in the coming days. =p

pai seh to let u all endure my complaints.. to make it up, i'll intro a nice song to u peeps! but i think most of u know this song liao lah.. it's still good to listen to it once in a while.. Mayday song.. pretty catchy.. not gonna put lyrics in.. or else it will be a lengthy post.. go baidu and find the lyrics if u want..

Enjoy!!

creature of the night roams alone..